Seinfeld: Ten Kramer Quotes That Haven’t Aged Well

Kramer was never the most politically correct character in the Seinfeld crew, but these 10 quotes have aged particularly poorly.

Jerry’s eccentric neighbor and Seinfeld‘s moocher, Cosmo Kramer is a well-known character in sitcom history. Widely recognized for his harebrained schemes and physical comedy gags, he stole the show nearly every time he dashed into Jerry’s apartment. However looking back, some classic Kramer moments on Seinfeld don’t really hold up. In other words, the writers didn’t do him justice and could have easily avoided tone-deaf writing in favor of a more coherent character.

Here are ten Cosmo Kramer quotes that are no longer politically correct and therefore seen as unacceptable today.

“Well, You’re As Pretty As Any Of Them, You Just Need A Nose Job.”

Seinfeld Kramer makes cruel remarks about George's girlfriend

Early on in season three, George went out with a woman named Audrey who in the first place was way out of his league. But, because he was overly concerned with looks and had a superficial understanding of beauty, he couldn’t get himself to stop thinking about her nose.

Later the same day at Jerry’s, Kramer made an off-hand remark about Audrey needing a nose job and sugarcoated it with, “well, I was just trying to help out.” Audrey was humiliated, Jerry and George were stunned and Elaine was the only one who rebuked Kramer for his offensive remark. Unsolicited comments of such nature are hurtful, and, no matter what the intention is, they lead to shame and humiliation, like in Audrey’s case.

“I Mean, What Am I Supposed To Tell Him? How Much There Is For Him To Live For? Why Should I Lie To Him?”

Seinfeld Kramer talks to Jerry about Newman.

Newman made his first-ever appearance as a voice-over character in the episode “The Revenge.” He was unemployed, single, and, from what’s seen in the episode, he didn’t have a helpful friend, either.

Kramer dashes into Jerry’s apartment to tell him he doesn’t want anything to do with their Newman anymore because of his attitude. The men discuss their neighbor’s misfortunes at length, and yet, none of them take an active interest in him. All warning signs must be taken seriously, and Jerry and Kramer should have proceeded to help Newman to get the assistance he needed.

“You’re Getting Heavy. Yeah. You Look Like You’ve Put On 5… 10 Pounds.”

All hell breaks loose in season five’s episode “The Non-Fat Yogurt” when the gang suspects the new yogurt shop is making misleading claims about the fat content in their yogurt. The troublemaker of the gang, Kramer points out Elaine’s weight gain rather insensitively. As Jerry stands up to object, Kramer shows little care for his feelings and adds, “I’ll tell you something else. You’re looking a little chunky yourself, buddy.”

Although Cosmo’s observation turns out to be true, making crude remarks about people’s weight is never okay and he should have been careful with his words.

“She Changed Her Hairstyle. It’s Terrible. No, We’re Done.”

Seinfeld Kramer loves Wendy's hair

Season six’s “The Kiss Hello” is another instance of how superficial Kramer’s personality was. As soon as his girlfriend Wendy changed her hairstyle, he ended things with her and never looked back again.

Kramer was a fickle person who was more concerned with the outward appearance of the girls he dated than he should have been. This time around, however, he cranked his superficiality up a notch and ended things because his girlfriend had her hair cut.

“You Know… Get Out.”

Seinfeld Kramer orders people to leave the soup kitchen

Of all the people in the City, Kramer was the only one the Soup Nazi seemed to respect. Their friendship meant he could drop in any time and keep Yev Kassem entertained with his rambling stories of the day. Kramer praised the Soup Nazi’s strict ordering mechanism and helped him bully people who were unaware of the same.

Kramer had no business ordering a part-Spanish man out of the Soup Nazi’s restaurant. Instead of standing up for the guy and asking his good friend, Yev to cut him some slack, Kramer ordered him to leave the premises.

“I’m Gonna Capture This.”

Seinfeld Kramer films a carjacking victim in the finale episode

Seinfeld‘s finale disappointed fans on many accounts, one of which was Kramer filming a carjacking victim in the fictional town of Latham, Massachusetts.

It was Kramer who had jumped up and down the plane and caused it to crash land in the first place. As the gang made their way into the town to recover from the shock of the crash landing, they witnessed a helpless boy getting mugged at gunpoint. Kramer turned on his camcorder and started to film the robbery. The rest of the gang followed his lead and made cruel jokes about the boy. They were put in jail for violating the Good Samaritan Law, and their trial turned into a media circus.

“And You Must… You Look Exactly Like Jerry. You Don’t See This? Oh, You’re Like Twins. This Is Eerie.”

Seinfeld Kramer meets George's girlfriend Janet

Quite shockingly, this was first thing that came out of Kramer’s mouth when he met George’s new girlfriend Janet in “The Cartoon.” Everyone looked visibly uncomfortable, but, surprisingly, Janet took it all in her stride. While she didn’t seem to mind the unpleasant remark, George was visibly upset—but that didn’t deter Kramer from suggesting George was secretly in love with Jerry while everyone stared at him in disbelief.

“We’ll Kidnap The Dog, We’ll Drop Him Off Upstate.”

Seinfeld Kramer kidnaps a Yorkshire Terrier

In “The Engagement” when a loud Yorkshire Terrier kept her up all night, Kramer, the vile rogue suggested they kidnap it and drop it off upstate. He enlisted Newman’s help, and together they rode in a rental car to commit the crime.

After driving for a while, Kramer abandoned the dog in Monticello at a stranger’s doorstep. But, before he walked off, the dog tore a tag off his shirt. It found its way back to the owner, and the three dognappers were traced in no time. However loud this dog may have been, dognapping is not only inexcusable but a felony as well.

“You Know How There’s Some People You Worry About Whether You’re Going To Hurt Their Feelings? With Her, I’m Looking Forward To It. I’d Like To Get It On Video, Watch It In Slow Motion And Freeze Frame It.”

Seinfeld Kramer trash-talks Ellen

…says Kramer in season three’s “The Dog” while badmouthing his girlfriend, Ellen to Jerry and Elaine. She wasn’t made out to be a nice person, but since when did it become okay to trash-talk a partner much less make a big speech about looking forward to inflicting pain on them?

Kramer’s backbiting encouraged Elaine and Jerry to name-call Ellen as well. Confiding relationship problems in friends is one thing, but making a boastful remark about hurting one’s partner is quite another.

“Hey! Stay Away From The Chicken. Bad Chicken. Mess You Up.”

Seinfeld Kramer yells from his window

Season eight’s “The Chicken Roaster” is a prime example of Kramer’s uncivilized behavior. In the episode, Kenny Rogers Roasters sets up a chicken place right across the street from Kramer’s place. A menacing red light comes off of its chicken sign, beams straight through Kramer’s window and his apartment becomes a “red planet” of a hot mess.

Now, Kramer does go down to the restaurant to complain, but, after they dismiss him, he schemes to put the place out of business by “takin’ it to the streets.” He hangs a bad chicken banner from his window and drives the customers away. Come to think of it, there were plenty of civilized ways to resolve the conflict, and it was uncouth on Kramer’s part to yell out his window and scare people like that.

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